Dear Woman of God,
She is not you!
You are not her!
So sis, stop comparing yourself!
Stop comparing yourself to a variable and inconsistent standard. She isn’t God! Don’t you know that you both cannot be compared because you both were uniquely and tenderly created to be different? Your stories are not the same. Your journeys are not the same. Your purposes are not the same. Your callings are not the same. Don’t you know that our God beautifully crafted diversity? To each sister her own part for one ultimate plan – His work for His glory.
As women, we are so prone to comparing ourselves to others.
Yes, men do it too.
However, I feel that women are more susceptible to falling to a never-ending cycle of comparison. I don’t believe that anyone of us is immune to it. Whether we like to admit it or not we’ve all fallen victim to this comparison trap at some point in our lives. The social media ‘revolution’ or age does not help!
I, for one, hate to admit this myself. I mean, come on, who does?! So much for women empowering women, right?! (ha!)
In fact, just the other day as I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I found myself going through pictures of a post. At the aftermath of going through the post, I was left feeling absolutely inadequate and discontent in my current situation in life.
And do you know what caused these feelings?
My initial intention was not to compare myself to this person, but for some reason, as I browsed through the pictures, I subconsciously equated my life to this person’s life and guess who came up short on the measuring stick?
THAT’S RIGHT! NONE OTHER THAN YOURS TRULY! (add facepalm!)
That’s the thing about comparison – it creeps up on us in our least expecting moments and it gets the best of us. & Guess what?
It happens to ALL of us! You are lying to yourself if you say that it doesn’t happen to you.
If we don’t get a grip on it, it will devour us from the inside out. Producing in us the four headed monster of jealousy, envy, discontentment, insecurity and it’s feisty little sister – a negative competitive spirit.
Two things happen when we compare ourselves to others. We either feel inferior or we feel superior to whoever we are comparing ourselves to. Both are aspects of pride rooted in that constant thorn in the flesh called “self”. One comes from self-righteousness: thinking of oneself as better than others. The other comes from self-pity: thinking we deserve much more than what God has already given us.
Both do not honor God, nor should it have any place in our lives.
Throughout my years, I’ve come to conclude that when we compare ourselves to others, we will always come out short. We either come short feeling inferior; or we come short feeling superior. There is nothing in between.
Then Saul was very angry, and the saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed only thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?” So Saul eyed David from that day forward. (1 Sam 18: 8-9)
The Bible gives us so many examples of the devastating effects when we compare ourselves to others. One such example is Saul and David.
That phrase “So Saul eyed David from that day forward” rings so true because isn’t that exactly what happens when we compare ourselves to someone else? We start to “eye” them, watch them, ‘social media stalk’ them. Not only do we “eye” them, but we do this secretly and discreetly. This is the danger of falling into the comparison trap.
It is secret.
For the most part, it stays in the hidden places of our hearts. We don’t talk about it. We definitely try not to show it because if we are honest, like every secret sin – we feel ashamed about it. So, we hide it the best that we can. However, if let it stay there it will fester in our hearts and eventually it will seep out into our actions.
Saul’s comparison eventually led to a level of jealousy and envy where he could no longer hide it. I honestly believe that comparison was part of the ‘bad spirit’ that God placed in Saul’s heart which of course led to envy. Leading Saul to a lifetime of murderous pursuit against David. Saul’s action is a perfect example of the slippery slope of comparison when we do not learn to get a grip on it.
Unfortunately, I don’t think we cannot avoid the sneaky tendency of comparison, but in God’s grace and in His wisdom and strength, we can learn to identify it when it stirs up and root it out.
Remember, when we start comparing ourselves to others, we crowd out God’s plans for us and His unique design for us. Psalm 139 tells us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” “skillfully wrought,” our frame was not hidden from God and our days were already fashioned for us before we even knew them.
The words used here gives me a sense of endearment. God purposefully and intentionally created me into who I am today. I am beautifully crafted to be who He designed me to be as you are beautifully crafted to be who God designed you to be. There is no comparison between us and there is no comparison between us and others.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. (Ps 139:14-16)
Paul reminds us in Romans 12: 9-10, 15-16 that humility is an essential part of our Christian behavior. We must love without hypocrisy; be kindly affectionate to one another; give preferences to others; not to be wise on our own mind; and “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” If truth be told, when we compare ourselves to others we already lack in humility and love. Our ‘love’ and ‘humbleness’ is hypocritical.
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ….. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. (Romans 12: 9-10; 15-16)
Woman of God, when you get the urge to compare yourself to her, REMEMBER – she is NOT the standard – GOD IS! Remember, that God diligently created us differently for different purposes; for different journeys.
Instead, be inspired by her, rejoice with her, weep with her, encourage her, LOVE her because we all fall under the same grace. We are all parts of the same body – Christ’s body – with different functions working for one glory – God’s glory!
Therefore, celebrate her and let her celebrate you! Fix her crown and let her fix yours. Confidently walk as the daughters of the King that we are…..with no side-eye #smileyface 🙂 .